It’s a 2016, and you know what that means: time to make a bunch of New Year’s resolutions that you have no intention to keep! I’ll make it easy for you. Here are some resolutions that will drastically improve your life and don’t involve buying a $500 gym membership you’ll never use. Oh, and they all revolve around your smartphone. Because it’s time to stop letting your technology rule your life.
Clean your damn phone
When’s the last time you wiped your phone down with an anti-bacterial wipe? I’m going to guess "never". Now, when’s the last time you took your phone to the bathroom?
Yeah. Gross. Please, for the love of God and everyone around you, start cleaning your phone at least once a week.
Talk, don’t text
Don’t get me wrong, texting is awesome. But it’s also okay to occasionally interact with people using your voice. Like when you call customer service. Or the pizza guy. Or even your mom!
Delete your work email
Does your employer pay you for the time you spend browsing work emails on your phone before you go to sleep? I don’t think so. So why are you still doing that?
Take your phone off the table
Now that you no longer have work email on your personal phone, there’s really no reason to keep your phone visible at all times. Especially when you’re having dinner. On a date. On a first date.
Get a real clock
Sleeping with your phone is bad. But what if you use it as an alarm clock? Hmm. What if there were some sort of device that could be used only as an alarm clock? Like…an alarm clock…
No more notifications
Getting rid of your phone altogether is impractical. But just because you need your phone on you 24/7 doesn’t mean you need to get notifications 24/7. Do yourself a favor and turn off notifications for everything unnecessary—yes, Facebook is unnecessary—and try not to check your phone 837 times an hour.
Stop relying on the Internet
Next time you feel the urge to prove somebody wrong using Google, try using knowledge from your brain instead.
Limit game time
Think of all the real things you could be doing in those five hours a day you spend playing Candy Crush. Like your parents used to say—go outside and play!
Learn to take a decent selfie
No more mirror selfies.
Go off the grid
Not forever, obviously. Not even for a week. Maybe not even for a day, if you’re that tied to your smartphone. But for at least half a day, try leaving your phone at home. Re-learn all those skills you used to have. Like driving to the grocery store without turn-by-turn directions, or eating a meal without Instagramming it.