Sweet! We just picked dessert names for all the future versions of Android

We hopped into our time machine and came back with a sweet list of Android version names.

Android's version names are

...so sweet that sometimes we find ourselves salivating when the company announces a new one.

There's no special reason why Google has stuck with dessert-centric names for its alphabetically ordered Android versions from Cupcake (Android 1.5) forward. A Google spokesman told CNN a few years back that it was an "internal team thing, and we prefer to be...a bit inscrutable on the matter."

We decided that it would be fun to help Google out a bit by coming up with names for future versions of Android to follow the current KitKat (Android 4.4). We also came up with a few mockups of what future logos might look like. Feel free to take notes, Google.

Android 5.0 Lollipop

It's sugar-free, of course, infused with Xylitol for cavity-fighting power. Consider it a metaphor for Android's constant battle against malware.

Android 5.3 Milkshake

Let's face it, Google hasn't done much to bring all the boys to the yard. In this version of Android, it attempts to fix that oversight by having your phone play Kelis's "Milkshake" as the default ringtone.

We can't promise that Android's sales won't drop after this update.

Android 6.0 Nougat

After the flop that was Milkshake, Google tries something safer for its next version of Android. Nougat removes all of the annoying features that its predecessor introduced—but it inadvertently removes everything useful, too. And like teeth that come into contact with the candy, phones upgraded to Nougat are stuck with it indefinitely, as a bug prevents devices from upgrading (or downgrading) to other versions of the OS.

Android 6.3–6.9 Oreo

In a throwback to the Hershey alliance that yielded KitKat, Google teams up with another major treat-maker, Nabisco, for this version of Android: Oreo. To play up the deal, Nabisco releases special-edition Oreo cookies with lime-flavored creme filling. They can't be much worse than those watermelon-flavored ones, right?

Android 7.0 Peppermint

To the surprise of Android fans everywhere, the Peppermint update is completely free of carrier bloatware and manufacturer overlays. Google explains that it thought Android needed a cooling-off period to get back to what matters most—harvesting user data. A special red-and-white Google Nexus launches just in time for the holidays, and buyers notice that it has a distinctly minty aroma.

Android 7.5 Red Velvet

Still reeling from the failure of the Nexus Q, Google decides to spurn the subtle yet flavorful appeal of Quince Jelly and skip to the letter R for its next version of Android.

Google opts to celebrate the most decadent of all cakes, Red Velvet. The Android guy is starting to look a little bloated again—you would, too, if you allowed carriers and other companies to stuff your operating system with useless applications–but a healthy exercise regimen of backing up data and deleting unnecessary apps should get it back in shape.

Android 7.6 Sugar Cookie

Sugar Cookie is only an incremental update. As modest as sugar cookies themselves, this version relies on just a pinch of new OS features to differentiate itself from its predecessor—in much the same way that Jelly Bean improved on the groundwork that Google laid with Ice Cream Sandwich.

Android 8.0 Taffy

Android Taffy is the consequence of Google's misguided effort to make Android funnier and more kid-friendly.

The update launches alongside a children's TV show in which a horribly deformed Android mascot teaches kids lessons about not being evil while simultaneously encouraging mass consumption on a global scale. Prospective commercial tie-in Laffy Taffy pulls out of the deal at the last moment, complaining that it has seen funnier jokes written on Popsicle sticks.

Android 9.0 Upside-Down Cake

By now, Android isn't even a mobile operating system anymore—it's the back end for Google's self-navigating robots. They fly, they battle, and they're actually kind of scary.

Android 9.1 Vanilla

Google's latest update turns Upside-Down Cake's disturbingly aggressive sentient robots into docile machines that help you around the house, tell you what to wear based on the day's weather forecast, help you get to work via the fastest route, and offer knowledge at your request. Vanilla is basically the living version of the Google Now widget.

Android 9.2 Wax Lips

Android Wax Lips is the first version of Android made to run specifically on humans. The software, which received most of its R&D funding from DARPA, actually helps humanity by allowing us to instantly translate any language and connect to our Gmail from wherever we are.

The update gets its name from an unfortunate side-effect caused by the OS injection process, wherein your lips turn big, red, and waxy.

Android 9.3 Yoo-hoo

Alphabet completists at Google want to call this version Xanthine (the mild stimulant found in chocolate), but focus groups deem it "too clinical." So instead the company jumps straight to Y with Yoo-hoo.

The branding helps the originally chocolate-flavored drink advertise the fact that it now comes in 26 realistic flavors–each combined with lab-generated synthetic milk. Your Android robot dispenses a free bottle of Yoo-hoo with every app you purchase from the Google Play-With-Your-Robot store.

Android 9.5–9.9 Zebra Brownie

Our glorious Google overlords have bestowed upon us the latest version of Android, Zebra Brownie. You must upload the update directly to your nervous system, in a module that replaces your brain—an innovative approach that a Google spokesrobot says is sure to fix many of the crashes and lockups people experienced with the Wax Lips and Yoo-hoo (for people) versions of the OS. Google recommends updating immediately and will send a support team to help you complete the upgrade as an outpatient procedure.